Replies
by Lyaliro
Summary: To simply say it is one thing, but to reply with the emotion that the other seeks is truly a dream come true. TxS. Currently: What will Sakura do?
1. Replies

**Replies  
by  
Lyaliro  
  
**

  
  
A/N: I do not own CCS, nor do I own the characters within it. All I own are dust bunnies, so please don't sue me.  
  
Warning: This fanfic contains shoujo-ai, also known as yuri, which is also known as a girlxgirl relationship. Don't flame me because you weren't smart enough to read the warning.  
  


~~~~

We were older now, both in body and mind. Talks of sex began creeping into our lives, threatening to leech away our child's innocence until we were nothing but an empty shell, ready to be launched into the real world. But you seemed unaffected. You blossomed and grew into a beautiful young woman, and yet was left untainted by society's tendrils. And even though Li was giving you endless hints, you never thought of him as more than a good friend. I am both glad and saddened by your blissful state of unawareness. Because I know that no matter how many times I tell you I love you, you will reply the same with an ease of tongue that gives no sign of the sort of love that I feel for you. Those three words you say feel like knives in the heart, and yet it liberates me like nothing else. So I say it again in the hopes that you will notice. But you never do. I know I told you I would explain it to you when you're older, but I already have. And I will explain it to you once more. I love you, Sakura Kinomoto.

We sat in your room, finishing our homework. Kero, it seems, was off on some errand. So were your brother and father. It was just us two in the house. You are lying on the floor, hands cupped under your chin as you stared at the work in confusion. In your mouth is a half-eaten strawberry Pocky stick. It dangles on your lip in the cutest way, just about to fall out but never brave enough to. You catch me staring, and you tilt your head to the side as you say, "Nani?" I smile and reply, "You're so cute, Sakura-chan." You blush and then quickly finish the Pocky. "A-arigato…" you half-mumble. I giggle, which makes you blush even more. Then I quietly slip off of your bed and lay down next to you.

"What are you having trouble with?" I ask, and you point to a somewhat complicated math problem. Pencil smears and large X's are all over your scratch paper where you had erased and crossed out a few too many times. I notice the pencil in your hand is quite dull and has an almost nonexistent eraser. "You do the problem like this," I say, and take the pencil from you. Our hands touch for a moment. A shiver ran down my spine and my heart shuddered for that one second. You don't seem to notice a thing. I write out a few things on your paper, explaining as I go along. "Oh!" you cry out, "I see now!" The pencil traded hands once again and you finish the problem. "You are such a good friend, Tomoyo-chan," I hear you say. Then you smile at me, and I was almost torn to pieces by the glow of your smile.

You offer me a Pocky stick. I gladly accept it, putting it into my mouth. Then you begin talking about a certain someone you have a small crush on. "But, they're a little--" You stop as I playfully box your ear. "Don't worry, Sakura-chan. I'll even let you practice on me," I say, half-teasing. I think I would even enjoy pretending to be your mystery crush. Then, though only pretend, I would be the object of your affection. The one you care for the most in the world. For good measure I added, "You can even practice kissing. Of course, it will cost you a bit to tongue…" Then you lightly cuffed my ear, your face blushing fiercely. I laughed to disguise my desire, for I knew it would show in my eyes if I didn't mask myself. Oh, how wonderful it would be if your lips touched mine!

But fantasizing about you never helped to satisfy. I knew you were nothing more than a completely innocent soul, a girl who was and always will be straight. In more ways than one, of course. I spent years of my life watching you. Sometimes you were completely unaware of my presence. But the one moment I treasure most was the day we were running to school. It was the day of a field trip, and we were both still young, but you were younger than I was in certain ways. You forgot your roller blades and there was no other way to get to school. We held hands as cherry tree blossoms fell around us, you leading the way. Then your head turned to face me, and you smiled. My heart fluttered, and I stumbled. My knee was scraped badly from the fall. Then you bent over, a genuine look of concern in your eyes. I told you I was okay and carefully stood, telling you to continue running. You insisted that we walk, though. We almost missed the bus. You apologized for the rest of the week, but a few extra minutes with you was well worth the pain.

You waved her hand in front of my face, hoping to snap me out of my uncharacteristic state of unawareness. I chewed at my Pocky, "Oh? Gomen nasei, Sakura-chan." I looked into your leaf-green eyes. Eyes that still contained the innocence of childhood, whereas my childhood was tragically flawed from unrequited love. Without warning you leaned forward, biting onto the end of my Pocky stick. I immediately froze. You say, "First one to pull back loses," with a tone of playfulness in your voice. I continue my way towards you, only hesitating that one moment. And you do not hesitate at all, coming towards me at the same rate. Then we both stop when our lips are almost touching. I could hear my heart beating at a mouse-like pace. Your green orbs seemed pleading. Begging me to not turn away and laugh, begging me to pull you closer…

My arms wrapped about your shoulders as we both sat up. Your lips were so warm and inviting. My tongue explored the depths of your mouth, and I'm sure your tongue did the same to mine. I could feel your hands rest on my waist. Finally breathless, you pulled back. Your cheeks were flushed and a few strands of hair were in your face. "You lose," I say playfully, "and you owe me 1,000 yen." You simply giggled and dove in again. The second kiss lasted longer, and with quite a bit more passion. Both of us were guilty of letting our hands wander a little too much. We ended up lying on the floor again, except with you below me. I reluctantly cut our lip-lock due to curiosity. My head now resting on your bosom, I quietly whisper, "Did you know all along?" You say, "Hai, Tomoyo-chan. I did." I felt as if I should hate you for making me suffer for those long years, but I only gave your hand a light squeeze.

"I love you, Tomoyo-chan."

And for the first time, I was the one to reply.

  
  
A/N: Yaaaay. ^-^   
  
'Nother A/N: Who cares about correct usage of past and present tense words, anyway? x_o; 


	2. Explanations

**Replies  
  
Chapter 2  
By Lyaliro**  
  


A/N: I do not own CCS, nor do I own the characters within it. All I own are dust bunnies, so please don't sue me.  
  
Warning: This fanfic contains shoujo-ai, also known as yuri, which is also known as a girlxgirl relationship. Don't flame me because you weren't smart enough to read the warning.  
  


~~~~

That night you could say we fooled around a little, just a little. Even though the morning after would be a school day, we managed to convince our parents to let me sleep over at your house. We laid together outside in the park for a while, waiting for the sun to fall asleep.

It was a fairly secluded hill we were upon, just you and I. The trees nearby waved cheerily in greeting. You shivered, and I wrapped my arm about your shoulders, pulling you closer. You thanked me with that smile of yours, that smile which used to tear me apart. Now it seems to take all the pieces of my lost childhood and return them. I felt you wiggle a little closer as a breeze passed by. I could tell by the pinkish tone in your cheeks that you were still slightly embarrassed. I didn't mind, and let loose a small giggle. "You can take my jacket, if you like," I say as I sit up and slip out of the jacket.

"Arigato, Tomoyo-chan," You replied, putting it on.

You looked so cute with my jacket, the sleeves of it so long they cover your hands. After elementary school, I was always taller than you. Now you're nearly a head shorter than I am. My eyes ran up and down your form, drinking in every detail of your body I had already memorized long ago. Your light skin, so perfectly smooth that silk would be jealous. Trusting green eyes the color of a newly unfurled leaf. A sort of dirty blonde hair that's been in the same style for far too long. I can't even remember your hair any other way. I didn't notice your hand moving until it gently touched my shoulder, guiding me back to the soft grass. Ah, and those pink lips always silently pleading to be caressed by another.

I moved nearer, till your mouth was the only thing I tasted. It was like… Waves of unending security and comfort. You filled me, completed me, rose me up above the sky and stars. Slowly we broke apart, and once again I lost that feeling. And yet, we were still connected somehow. My fingers traced your jaw line, our eyes no longer turned towards the heavens. For how we gazed at one another, I do not know. But by the time we shifted so our backs were once again against the grass, the sun slept soundly.

My right arm casually slipped around your waist. Though, what was so casual about two girls, perfectly in love, lying next to each other at night in a park? I let my mind drift to thoughts of homework, costumes, and my new digital camera. Somewhere in my half-conscious wonderings, you managed to wiggle around and maneuver yourself so your hands linked at my left shoulder.

I giggled, but it didn't mute the pain in my voice as I asked, "If you knew for so long, why didn't you tell me?" Although I couldn't quite see you, the image of your face, uncertain and hesitant, flashed into my mind. As soon as the words left my lips I regretted them. It was the wrong time and place, yet I asked anyway. Inwardly I sighed, shrugging it off to wait for the answer that had been eating at my mind for hours.

"I… I didn't know I loved you back until a few days ago," you say, voice barely above a whisper. Somehow, somewhere I hurt you with that one question. I pulled your small form closer; the wounds I made multiplied twofold and inflicted upon my own heart. A tender kiss you placed on my neck as you readied yourself to continue answering. "Li came up to me after school, talking to me like he always did. Friendly, yet stiff, you know? Then he asked if I wanted to go out with him. I was surprised, and I thought I liked him. My mouth opened to say yes…" Your face reddened ever so slightly, "But all I could think of was you. I finally understood all those half-hearted smiles you gave to everyone except me, all those sad looks you tried so hard to hide. The pain I must've caused…" That was enough. Your head came to rest on my breast, finished with words for the moment.

It all seemed so dreamlike. Every motion slowed to a crawl, till the speckled night-blanket ceased to glitter, dull and looking very much like far off city lights. I took your face in my hands, the wind dying down. A soft apology leaving your lips hung in the air for a moment before fading away as we kissed. It started gently enough, with our tongues cautiously exploring each other's mouths. Somewhere in the middle I coaxed you on, or you coaxed me, or perhaps both. Our lip-lock soon became furious, almost. An endless, raging river of passion poured out of me, one that had been dammed up for far too long. And you returned my love without the slightest bit of doubt or hesitation. My hands ran through your hair, down your body past the curves I had only longingly gazed at for so many years. Your pulse rang clearly in my ears, matching my own so our hearts beat as one.

When we parted, our breaths came in quick gasps. Your cheeks were flushed and you had locks of stray light brown hair falling into your face. My hands had somehow ended up underneath your shirt, and I quickly drew them back. Your face seemed to grow even redder, if that was even possible. "G-g-gomen," I stuttered out. The flow of time resumed, if it ever did stop, and the trees began to cheerily sway once again. The moon had trekked through the sky without rest, and was already high. "We should be going about now," said I, rapidly changing the mood of the scene.

Your face instantly became alarmed, grabbing my arm and dragging me off to your house as swiftly as humanly possible. "Our curfew!" You cry out. Apparently, we made it back just in time, a few minutes before our set curfew. The rest of the night I spent blissfully sleeping in your arms.

The next day we walked to school, hand in hand. There are no words to express my joy. Oh, feeling of your hand touching mine! A warmth that travels through my arm, spreading through my whole body. Each step I take is if I am floating without a care in the world. If this is love, then I never want to let it go. We passed by fond childhood memories and old friends before arriving at school.

As we walked in the hallway I could hear the whispers of the students around us. There had already been rumors about you and I, but they were usually swept aside for other matters. Just to confirm their gossip, I think, you briefly kissed me on the lips. An uncomfortable silence appeared, and then disappeared as the flow of talk began again. Looks of both disgust and support were sent our way. And, just before class started, I returned the kiss with one of my own.

By the end of the day the news had spread far and wide. It seemed half the school was rooting for us while the other half despised us, and a small group was simply apathetic. Even the faculty was in on it. I knew some bets were made on how long we would last and which one would dump the other. Now we were behind the school, right next to an empty field set up with a volleyball net. Right as the chime to let us out rang, people wanted to try and chase us down. Some were writers for a small school newspaper that wanted an interview, and others were simply curious. And thus we found sanctuary here.

You had me trapped against a wall, both of your hands just by my shoulders. I chuckled lightly and leaned forward. During our passionate lip-lock, I opened my eyes and spotted Li behind you and off to the side a little. He held a bright bouquet of flowers. His eyes filled with a mixture of surprise and revulsion, then switched to a sad acceptance. The same sort of sorrowful understanding that had once touched my own features and was in every movement I made.

He was, in some ways, a kindred spirit. I suppose Li was here now because the network of gossip doesn't quite reach him. He always was a bit of a loner. He was handsome, too, and the girls try to break into his shell. The few that were brave enough to ask him out were always turned down. His eyes were always on you. His shoulders drooped, and it seemed even the flowers in his hand wilted slightly. Poor Li. He tries so hard to get so little. The pity I felt for him soon melted away. "Too late, Li. Sakura's mine now," I thought. He shuffled, and I mean he literally shuffled, away as my eyes closed again.

Afterwards you and I walked to a local playground, the likes of homework ignored for now. As we sat on the swings we spoke of days when we were still children. Every single Clow card capture was said in hushed voices. Old friends that had moved away returned, though only for a little while. Near the end of our conversation you asked, "When did you know you loved me?" I knew this question would come sooner or later.

"It was slow and gradual, like the changing colors of leaves in the fall. You never really notice the change until it's complete. I just liked you more and more until I realized I loved you in the 4th grade," I replied, voice remaining steady throughout.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Sakura-chan."

We sat in an understanding silence for long minutes, and I was simply enjoying being in your presence. My eyes watched you slowly swing back and forth. Cries of joy and laughter were heard all about us from small kids.

Suddenly a familiar pair of arms wrapped me into a crushing hug from behind. For a moment I couldn't breathe. I knew who this person was. Nervously I turned my head to face her, mouth dry. Then she kissed me. I would be lying if I said I didn't like it. You looked absolutely shocked, stopping your swinging once your feet touched the ground. A chin came to rest on my head, her elbows upon my shoulders. Long, soft strawberry blonde hair tumbled over my left shoulder. Sky-blue eyes no doubt gazing at you, she cheerily asked, "Who's your cute friend, Tomoyo-chan?"

  


~~~~

  
A/N: Oooo. Cliffhanger-ish. Originally, I intended the fanfic "Replies" to be a simple one-shot. You reviewers changed my mind. Dammit, I hate it when that happens. Now I have a plan for this "series". I also suffer from frequent bouts of writer's block, so don't expect one 'o these babies to be waiting for you every day. I'll try to get up one chapter each week, or something.   
  
In the next chapter: Find out the identity of the mystery girl that kissed Tomoyo! Also, reactions from Li. 


	3. Flashbacks

**Replies  
  
Chapter 3  
By Lyaliro**  
  


A/N: I do not own CCS, nor do I own the characters within it. All I own are dust bunnies, so please don't sue me.  
  
Warning: This fanfic contains shoujo-ai, also known as yuri, which is also known as a girlxgirl relationship. Don't flame me because you weren't smart enough to read the warning.  
  


~~~~

She was, and she wasn't. I don't know how she manages to be that way, but she just is. Chipper yet solemn, sweet yet bitter, shy yet adventurous, but the one thing she didn't manage to be both of was in her appearance. She was absolutely gorgeous. Sky blue eyes she had, understanding and gentle, able to pierce any mask. You could swim in them for days, nay, weeks, and never find land. Her strawberry blonde tresses were like strands of finely hammered gold, like the dwarves serving Loki made for Sif. She was just as tall as I was, and a little more. Her lean, athletic frame would be the envy of any girl. When she entered a room it always became brighter somehow. And yet, she never flaunts her beauty, staying to the alleys of loose clothing and a face without a coat of make-up. In many ways she reminded me of Sakura. In many ways she was the exact opposite of Sakura.

It was by pure chance I met her. I was walking through the same park Sakura and I visit so often, simply admiring the beauty of the trees and grass and the way the sun reflected off the water. The school was on a spring break of sorts, and I didn't intend to waste it. Sakura was off at a surprise family reunion. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her coming, but brushed it aside, instead focusing on the local plant life. Then at a crossing of paths she suddenly swerved to avoid me. Reflexes forced me to jump back even though I was out of danger, which in turn made me lose my balance as I landed and I fell to the ground. I received nothing but minor scratches. And even though she clearly had the most terrible fall, (The bike went off the path, then slid sideways on the grass at an angle until it lost her, finally smashing against a defenseless tree and turning itself upside down.) she stood immediately and rushed to my side, limping slightly, asking with nothing but sincerity in her voice, "Gomen nasei! Are you okay? Did I hit you?"

Behind her I noticed the bicycle's front wheel still spinning. "I-I'm fine," I replied, "but you look far worse than I probably do." She had her hair in a low ponytail, and grass stains were upon her school uniform. A cut ran across her cheek, blood slowly dripping from it. At the time she was wearing a boy's uniform. I doubt anyone could've told the difference in gender. She looked convincing enough to be a male, though a feminine looking one. One could find her handsome as a boy, beautiful as a girl. Her low voice only added to the reasoning that she was a boy. Even I, the ever-alert one with perception like no other, thought 'her' a 'he'.

She briefly touched the side of her face, wincing as she did. "It's nothing," said she, wiping away some blood with her sleeve. "Is there anything I can do to make up for almost running you over?" She asked, again with that tone of complete sincerity.

I shook my head, "No, you don't have to do anything. I didn't get hurt at all."

"At least let me buy lunch for you," she said, almost pleading.

After much volleying of words, I agreed. It was almost noon, and I admit I was getting hungry. A kind nondescript witness of the crash gave her a band-aid before we left. She stood, being that she was crouching beside me during our talk, and extended a hand to help me up. I gratefully took it and brushed myself off. "Here, I'll help you," said I when she tried to put on the band-aid straight. She then picked up her bike, noticeably bent and unusable, and walked in the direction she was originally headed before swerving. For a moment I didn't follow, finally noticing her beauty. She paused and turned her head, asking if I was coming. A few locks of hair were in her face in a way I found oddly endearing. I don't know quite why, but I blushed slightly and nodded, catching up to her.

After a silent walk we arrived at a relatively small restaurant with tables set up outside. The bike she leaned carefully against a tree, though she could've just dropped it on the ground. It's not like she could ride it in its present state anyway. We sat across from each other, a vase of two flowers placed in the center of the table. As an appetizer of sorts a bowl of crackers was set down as we ordered. At the exact same moment we reached over to pick up a cracker, and our hands picked up the same one. This got a laugh from both of us. 

"Please, you can have it," said she, but she didn't let go.

"No, no, you're paying for all this," I said, and yet I didn't release the cracker either.

Back and forth our talk went like this until we finally decided that it be snapped in half. I felt a tingle where her fingertips touched mine. It wasn't exactly love at first sight, but it was close enough. When our food arrived I asked a question of her, and this one question soon evolved to a friendly conversation. Our meeting ended when she was making hand motions and her sleeve fell, revealing a watch. Out of habit she glanced at it and was instantly alarmed. "I have to go!" She exclaimed, calling for the check and throwing down a few bills. "Keep the change," she said to the waiter, already rushing over to her bike. I waved, and then my hand froze in the air. I don't even know his name.

I stood immediately, running down the street. She was already a good distance away from me, and going at a fairly fast speed even with a bike in tow. "Hey!" I called, hoping to catch her attention. She paused and turned around. "My name's Tomoyo Daidouji!" I yelled to her.

Smiling, she replied, "I'm Kozue Matsuo! Tomorrow at 3 in the park!"

I called back, a new note of cheer in my voice, "I'll be there!"

The days following involved ice cream, a moonlit stroll, and a movie neither of us paid attention to. There was even one romantic dinner, though a bit cheap. We fell in love.

Two days before the end of our spring break I invited Kozue to my house. Naturally, her jaw dropped to the ground when she first saw it. After a brief tour she quickly adjusted to the large place. We ended up in my room, lying on the bed. Her arm wrapped about my shoulder, my forehead upon the side of her neck. Those strawberry-gold locks of hers smelled of lavender. The clock on my room ticked off the seconds, and it seemed an eternity between each movement of the second hand. She exhaled slowly as I gently kissed her neck. She was nervous for some reason, and at the time I didn't know why. "You're acting strange today. Something bothering you?" I asked.

She shook her head, "No, it's nothing."

I shrugged it off. Kozue turned to face me, leaning in and giving me a long, passionate kiss. It was my first. In the middle of it my hand went onto her chest, finding a certain bump that shouldn't be there. I froze, then pushed her away. My cheeks burned. "Y-you're a girl!?" I half-stated, half-asked, bewildered.

She sat up, eyes glancing around, pleading for anything to come and distract me from that question. Then she sighed and nodded, "Yes."

A million questions to ask and a million accusations ran through my head. But I stopped, sat beside her, took a deep breath and said softly, "Why didn't you tell me?"

She looked so pathetic and rumpled just sitting there, guilt written all over her face. "Because… Because I thought you would leave if I did. I love you, Tomoyo. I don't want to lose you now."

I gazed at her hard, and it seemed she grew smaller and smaller as I looked at her. Then, I finally opened my mouth. Kozue closed her eyes, bracing herself for harsh words. "Love…" I took her in my arms, hugging her tight. My words were sent as whispers in her ear, "Is love. You can't help who you fall in love with. All you can do is hope they love you back, and in this case your hopes have come true." Instantly she straightened up, no longer tiny and insignificant. I laughed and also whispered, "That was my first kiss."

"Oh, really?" She grinned, "The second should be even better."

After that kiss we talked for quite a while. I asked her questions, and she answered them all, holding nothing back. "Does anybody at your school know?"

"No, except for my closest friend. He used to have a crush on me."

"Oh, I see."

"Did you know tha--" Once again her watch interrupted us. "Gah! I need to get going." I nodded and led her to the front door. She gave me a brief peck on the cheek, waving. "Love you. See you tomorrow."

I waved back, replying, "Love you too. Bye."

The day after it rained. The sky did look stormy in the morning, but neither of us brought umbrellas. The plan was to stay most of the day at a zoo. We were simply admiring a few foreign birds around 3 o'clock when I felt a drop on water on my pointed hand. It sprinkled, then drizzled, then escalated to what I imagine would be monsoon-like weather. She suggested we run back to her house, which wasn't terribly far from the zoo. I readily agreed, and off we went.

Her house was a very traditional looking one-story that covered good deal of land. There was even a large wooden gate and a koi pond. We entered, took off our shoes, and she told me to have a seat in the living room. Of course, I stood so my dripping wet self wouldn't ruin the furniture. She left to get towels and drinks. While she was gone I took a look around. Various pictures and odd decorations were on the walls, one of which was a mounted buck's head. Usually those don't bother me much, but the cold eyes seemed to stare directly at me. I turned away from it, and found Kozue standing right in front of me. She threw a soft towel onto my head and placed a hot drink in my hand. "Arigatou," said I, taking a quick sip of the drink before placing it on the coffee table. After that came the task of trying to get my hair at least slightly dry.

"You could take a shower here, if you like. My parents aren't home," she offered, in that same somewhat pleading tone. I nodded gratefully and she pointed me to the nearest bathroom. "Don't worry. I can use the other bathroom. Oh, and you can wear my bathrobe," said she before leaving. The hot, almost scalding, water felt good on my skin. With the help of a blow dryer my hair was left only damp. There was a knock on the door, "You almost finished in there?"

"One moment," I called out, tying the cord on the bathrobe with one hand while opening the door with the other. I found myself staring at a hoodie and a pair of worn down jeans.

"All the other clothes I have are dirty, so these will have to do. Besides, everything else I own is pretty much the same," she said as she handed the clothes to me. I'm not sure why I did, but right in the hallway I undid the bathrobe and let it fall to the floor. Kozue turned around just in time, head bowed so her eyes only looked at the ground. I think she peeked a few times, though. The clothes were loose, just like they fit on her.

"You can turn around now," I said, feeling quite refreshed and cheery. When she did I gave her a long kiss. As we parted she took my hand and led me to a dining room, where a stunning candlelight dinner was set up. I gasped, then asked, "Was I really in the bathroom for that long?"

She giggled and shook her head, "No, I'm just a fast cook."

We sat and ate, and several times during the meal I praised her cooking. It truly was that good. Once we finished I helped her clean the dishes, and a short soap-bubble fight ensued. After that we collapsed on her bed, breaths coming in quick gasps. We lie side by side. I shifted over so I faced her, my hand coming up to her head to brush away a bit of clinging soap. She took her chance there, her arms coming around me and pulling me closer. "When will your parents be back?" I asked quietly, talking into her chest.

Her voice sounded far away as she said, "It'll be a long time before they come."

I didn't detect that note in her voice then, so I snuggled into her and said, "Good."

"You know why I went to all this trouble to make tonight special?"

"No," I answered sleepily, becoming drowsy from a full stomach and my girlfriend's warmth.

"I'm moving in two days," muttered she, her tone full of sadness.

My eyes snapped wide open. I jolted up to a sitting position. I cried out, "But… You can't!"

"I have to. Gomen nasei, Tomoyo-chan," she whispered, adding that playful suffix in a futile attempt to lighten the mood.

"But you…" Words failed me. I didn't want to go back to Sakura again. I didn't want to her to kill me with each innocent smile sent my way. I didn't want to be running on a treadmill, reaching out for a treat when each time my hand brushes it the speed increases. I didn't want to be like the Phoenix, feeling the pain of death at night only to be reborn the next morning. I wanted to be with Kozue, one who understood me and some of my pain. One who would gladly accept me no matter what. One who knew she was a mortal danger and thus carried herself carefully. One who could piece me back together when I broke beyond the repair of others.

For a long time she held me in her arms while I sobbed into her chest, occasionally mumbling a few garbled pieces of words. Somewhere I asked if I could stay till morning. She nodded, just nodded and hugged me tighter. It must've been sometime after midnight when I finally fell asleep, and she was awake to comfort me the whole time. The next morning she cooked up an amazing breakfast to try and stave off the oncoming gloom. Sadly, it didn't work. I ate in silence. I was at the door, waiting for my bodyguards to drive me to school when I finally noticed that I was still in Kozue's clothes.

"Your clothes," I said, pinching a bit of the cloth between my fingers.

She smiled and replied, "Oh, you can keep them, since you look so cute in them. Do you mind if I keep yours?"

I shook my head vigorously, "No, not at all." I smiled slightly, adding, "It'll be a trade."

Kozue offered an empty, forced laugh, "So it is."

I saw my ride approaching in the distance. Sometimes it was helpful to have a long, black limo. "My ride's about to arrive," I said, although she could clearly see it. She gave me one final, meaningful kiss that shamed all our others in comparison. We broke apart as the limo pulled to a stop. Her arms wrapped me in a crushing hug just when I was about to step off the porch.

I could feel her lips graze my ear as she whispered, "I'll come back for you, Tomoyo-chan." She put emphasis on my name, each syllable pronounced clearly and slowly.

I arrived at school just in time, changing in the car. Before class started, Sakura asked me, "Why do you look so sad today?"

I shook my head and smiled my usual masking smile, "It's nothing, Sakura." I tapped her on the nose with the end my pencil.

  
  
A/N:So, there ya go. The backstory on Kozue. This turned out longer than I thought it would be, but at least I made my "deadline".  
  
'Nother A/N: You can just disregard my little predictions for next chapter. I doubt they'll be right on the dot. They're just a kinda-sorta guide for the next part. I have a general plan laid out in my head, but other than that, I'm making this up as I go along.  
  
In the next chapter: How will Sakura handle Kozue? And vice versa? And Li's actual reaction, not a lengthy backstory that has nothing to do with him. Bah. I'll put in Li if I feel like it. 


	4. Casualties

**Replies  
  
Chapter 4  
By Lyaliro**  
  


A/N: I do not own CCS, nor do I own the characters within it. All I own are dust bunnies, so please don't sue me.  
  
Warning: This fanfic contains shoujo-ai, also known as yuri, which is also known as a girlxgirl relationship. Don't flame me because you weren't smart enough to read the warning.  
  


~~~~

The look of surprise on Sakura's face melted away as I stumbled over her name, "S-Sakura. This is Sakura." I gestured towards her, "And Sakura, this is Kozue-chan." Out of habit I added that playful suffix, unaware I even said it till the word left my lips. I could feel her presence behind me. Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, a barely controlled collection of energy in human form, her arms wrapped about my shoulders and ready to burst any second. Her hand extended to Sakura, and they shook stiffly, or Sakura shook stiffly, rather. Their eyes met. A harsh glare that even I never saw before was shot to Kozue. Those blue orbs returned only an offer of friendship. For what seemed like eons they were locked in a battle of wills, till finally Sakura turned away, slipping me a glance of disappointment and hurt.

"A little overprotective, are we?" Kozue said, her voice stinging like the edge of a knife.

"You two can talk alone. I have to be going now anyway," Sakura spat out, venom dripping off each syllable. Her tone had a certain note of sadness to it, one that said she wanted to cry out and sob until the tears carved channels into her cheeks and her heart ceased to yearn for me. With that she stood and stormed off. Being as close to the Clow Mistress as I was, I could see small threads of pure magic traveling over her body like electricity. A few individuals with a bit of sixth sense quickly got out of her way. Angry storm clouds briefly blocked out the sun, dispersing as Sakura stepped out of the playground.

"Your friend doesn't seem to like me very much."

I sighed, "She has good reason to, Kozue."

"You can tell me later," she whispered, leaning to my ear. Shivers went up my spine. Her breath against my skin instantly erased any thoughts of Sakura I had at that moment. She playfully nipped my ear and planted a kiss on my neck. It felt warm, like fond memories of simpler days. She managed to coax a small smile out of me. My hand she took in hers and led me to a more deserted area, sometimes dashing as fast as we could and sometimes strolling leisurely. The grass was thick and healthy, happy to cushion us as we collapsed on the ground. Various bright flowers dotted the hillside we lied on. The wind was gentle.

I managed to speak once my ragged gasps returned to a semi-regular breath, "You were gone for so long, I thought you-"

A finger she placed against my lips, preventing me from speaking as well as any stern teacher's command could. "I said I would come back for you, Tomoyo-chan. So I did. You don't seem too happy about it, though." She smiled impishly, "Let's see if I can't change that."

She drew closer, kissing me. I drank her in like a person stranded in the Sahara drinks from an oasis. Each detail of her I forgot came back to me. The way a lock of hair falls in her face and how she tucks it back with her left hand. The way her head tilts to the side sometimes when I talk to her and her lips spread into a quiet grin. The fact that she only drinks tomato juice when traveling. Her voice as she says, "I'm not a rabbit," while frowning slightly and pushing aside a plate filled with salad. How she always makes sure that when we walk side by side, I'm not the one next to the road.

We broke apart. I was absolutely ecstatic. She always was good at cheering me up when I became sad. A smile tugged at the corners of my lips, and Kozue smirked back, almost smug. "You know me too well," I half-complained, half-teased.

"I wouldn't be your girlfriend if I didn't," said she, a finger toying with a strand of my hair. That one word flowed so easily over her tongue that one could not help but overlook it as regular talk. Suddenly she stood and glanced at her watch. "Gomen nasei, Tomoyo-chan. I have to go…" she said, extending a hand, her face a perfect mask of regret, "…Buy you an ice cream cone. Come on. Today you have me all to yourself."

I took her hand and she helped me up. We strode out giggling and joking as if she never left and I never kissed Sakura.

~~~~

I am shallow and hollow. Transparent. That is all I appear to be to others. Always happy, always cheerful and full of energy even in the face of the most difficult challenges. This image, this label, has attached itself to me for most of my life. There is nowhere I can run, nowhere I can hide where it won't follow. I suspect even in death it would more than willingly tag along. What I did to deserve the half-respect of my peers remains a mystery to me, though my magic is the most powerful in the world. I smile so I don't cry, I laugh so I don't scream, I am unaware so I don't go insane. I have seen horrors that are worth a thousand nights of screaming nightmares, and more. I have stroked death and heard it purr in response. I have known of nirvanas far greater than any heaven the human mind could imagine, much less handle being in. I have been in hells that pale Cocytus in comparison. And yet, nothing could hurt me more than seeing that kiss.

The wind stung my eyes as I strained to watch them. Hot tears streamed down my face, and I couldn't tell if they were from the gust or Tomoyo. It felt like someone took a poker straight out of a fireplace and raked it across my cheeks. My grip around the staff tightened, my knuckles turning bone white. I lashed out at a nearby cloud, slicing it in half neatly. When I looked towards the ground again and regained my focus, I saw the two of them sharing an ice cream cone, both apparently without a care in the world.

I can't believe her. She didn't tell me anything about this boy. Curses tainted the air about me. My fury boiled until I could no long stand it, the wings on my back beating furiously as I flew in angry scribbles. Unknowingly, someway or another, I began to dive. A trail of feathers followed behind me as my wings began to slowly disintegrate. The King Penguin slide blurred past. I was just above the street leading towards my house. Li was walking towards me, shoulders slumped and head looking downward. With the last bit of magic I had I decelerated. Finally I dropped a few feet above the ground, easily sliding into an all-out sprint. He was something familiar, some anchor I could hold onto in my state of chaos. My arms wrapped about him in a desperate hug, a distressed embrace. I sobbed freely into his shirt. He was the only comfort I had.

My legs gave way, the stress of magic and intense emotions taking their toll. Li had to carry me to the house. I remember the sky spinning and twisting, then darkness. When I awoke I found myself lying on the couch, head throbbing and dried tears on my face. I sat up slowly and moved aside the thin blanket that covered me. The familiar smell of tea led my eyes to a small cup of it lying on the coffee table, waiting to be drunken. My shaky hands picked it up, barely able to keep the hot liquid from spilling, and I brought it up to my mouth. It felt good sliding down my throat, just a hair away from scalding temperature. I sighed and placed the empty cup back on the table with a soft clink.

Li then entered the room, a small box of Pocky in hand. I smiled slightly. He took this as a sign to toss the snack over to me. I caught it, fumbling a bit, and slowly tore it open. The sweet taste of chocolate Pocky was welcome. I nodded to him in thanks. He walked over and sat next to me, waiting for the right moment to ask the question.

~~~~

She was so close, so near I could reach out and touch her. But I never will. I could've tried as hard as I could to get her to notice me as more than a friend, but she still wouldn't know. I once gave her a box of chocolates and a letter on White Day. Her face lit up when she read the letter. My heart fluttered. She threw her arms around me and said she loved me too. But I knew she didn't. At least, not the way I loved her. Even though she causes so much pain, it's not her fault. She's just a little air-headed and oblivious to everything.

She was so close, so near I could reach out and touch her. But I shouldn't. I've already given everything she asked for. And she asked for a friend. Not a _boy_friend. Just a friend to help her along when she needed it. So I did my duty, coming when she called, bandaging when she was hurt. I was a crutch for her to walk on if she couldn't walk herself. After that I would be put aside until my turn came around again. I was fine with that. Anything to make sure she's happy and healthy. Even if it doesn't include me.

She was so close, so near I could reach out and touch her. But I wouldn't. I saw her and Tomoyo together. They looked like the perfect couple, what with Tomoyo's sensibility and Sakura's spontaneous-ness. Opposites do attract, after all. She deserves to be with Sakura. I can't help but be a bit jealous, though. I will be content to have known the great Clow Mistress as an ally.

But… What if I have regrets? Thirty years from now, as a graying man, I could be sighing and stroking a picture of her, wishing that I had only taken the chance.

Her head came to rest on my chest.

This is now a war between Tomoyo and I, with Sakura as the prize.

My arm slipped around her shoulders.

"What happened?" I asked quietly.

And all's fair in love and war.

  
  


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A/N: GomenGomenGomen! I'm sorry about the lateness. I had way too much stuff going on. I don't think next week will be any better. A whole bunch of dates have snuck up on me. On top of that, Al Roker-sized writer's block fell on my head. I think the gods are punishing me for something.  
  
'Nother A/N: Oh, yeah. Cocytus is the Ninth Circle of Hell. You know, the thing with the Dante's Inferno-mabob. Bah. Just Google it. And, I have problems coming up with a good summary for this story.  
  
Last A/N, I swear: Not to be whiny or anything, but I there are also some personal problems. That's why some of this is darker than usual. E-mail any concerns, opinions, flames, summaries, bombs, or cookies.  
  
I lied: The funky ~ signs mean the point of view changes. And on the subject of reviews: I like reviews, but I'm not a person who goes, "j00 \/\/1|_|_ |23\/31\/\/ 0|2 |\|0 [V]0|23 570|2Y!!!!!111" Review if you want. But, I might write faster if people encourage me.  
  
Coming up next: Confrontations? Hell, even I don't know what's coming next. 


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